In the last few years I have noticed friendships that were near and dear to my heart have fallen by the wayside and others just feel like they don't exist anymore. I am at that age where my friends and I have just so much going on, sometimes keeping in touch just sounds like another fantasy. With Facebook, IM and Twitter, I often make the mistake of just keeping up with them on social sites and not actually reaching out and giving them a call. I have many friends with young children and as silly as this sounds, I don't want to bother them. I feel like they are too busy with their kids and being a mom that my life would probably sound trivial to them. And my thoughts on this sometimes are justified when I call and never get a call back. Then I have other friends where I know that we are still close but geography just keeps us apart and if we see eachother once a year or 20 times a year, we are still all good.
I often want to reach out and ask these friends who don't call back if they are mad at me or if I have done something wrong but I don't want to sound dramatic or needy. I feel like friendships take effort no matter what else is going on. I might not have kids but I do have other obligations and priorities and have ALWAYS made an effort to remember birthdays, arrange nights out, get people together. I always tried to make it to birthdays and celebrations. But now, even though I'm 3000 miles away from most of my good friends, over the past few years, I have started only making efforts with the ones who make an effort back. It might seem selfish but I have learned that some friendships I cherish weren't cherished back (or aren't) and I just have to let them go. It's not anyone's particular fault but just two people growing apart. I won't lie, sometimes I think that sometimes it is a lack of effort that causes the growing apart but still, it is a feeling that makes me sad, not mad.
My goal is to pick up the phone a little more often and just say hi. EVEN when I don't think I have anything new to share.
hey, did i not call you back? i have kids yes but i'd still love to hear from you. you don't mind talking while there is total mayhem in the background right?
ReplyDeletei still think of you as my friend. just my far away friend who i rarely talk to and who forgot to visit me when she came east (wink wink).
what dover joined together let no man tear asunder?
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